Carter's Birth Story - Part IV

I couldn't do it anymore.  My BODY couldn't do it anymore.  It had been 22 hours.  My husband and I decided that we didn't want to endanger the baby - his heart rate continued to falter - and progress was not being made.  My water had already been broken and the baby needed to come out.  I was given a dose of the pain medicine Nubain through my IV, but it was too late.

I told the nurses to stop the Pitocin and to alert the Doctor to come to the hospital because I was going to have a C-section.  They asked if I was sure.  This possibility had always been in the back of my mind since my Mom had 2 C-sections.  I figured it was likely, and at that point, I just wanted the baby out safely.

The midwife was not supportive of my decision.  She started listing out the risks of the surgery, emphasizing the large scar that would result.  Who cares about a scar when you're in excruciating, awful pain?  I asked if the risks were common and she said yes.  I was scared, but so utterly miserable that I was willing to do whatever it took to be done.  I couldn't keep my eyes open due to the Nubain and I thought I was hallucinating.  Papers were shoved in front of me to sign.  I still am not sure what I signed, I just remember asking my husband "Is this okay?" 

As reality sunk in, I begged the nurses to let me take a break.  The medicine was making me so loopy that I wasn't sure of my decision anymore and wanted to sleep it off.  I wasn't allowed.  They said it would take about an hour for the doctor to get here, but it ended up being shorter.  I was told that my husband would be able to stay in the operating room if they were able to numb my lower half sufficiently.  If not, I would be put under, given a breathing tube, and my husband would have to wait outside.  

I was quickly wheeled away.  I felt like I was going to throw up - probably from all of the medication - and brought my bedpan with me.  It was all a blur after this.  I remember being whisked away and then my husband was no longer by my side.  I guess he was getting his scrubs on at this point.  The operating room was filled with people - they all seemed young which stood out to me.  I was still struggling to open my eyes.  I have never felt so tired.  They were pricking me with a piece of broken wood to determine if I could feel pain in my lower body - YES I COULD.  I answered most of their questions with my eyes closed.  The operating room was freezing cold and I was still shaking in pain.  

The anesthesiologist referred to me by name, which calmed me.  He walked me through each step.  At the last minute, one of the nurses commented "You're all baby!" and that made me feel good.  I was transferred to the operating table (and thought they were going to drop me), given oxygen, and then apparently given the medicine that put me to "sleep"  because everything went dark.  I had always been terrified of being put under, but this time I thought that if I died at least I wouldn't be in pain.  I'd told my husband previously that if it were ever necessary that he should save the baby over my own life.  Morbid, I know.

It seemed like only a second had passed before I woke up.  I thought there must have been a mistake and we didn't go through with the surgery, but soon the Doctor was in my face saying "Everything went well."  I had been in the recovery room for nearly an hour, little did I know.  I was eventually wheeled back to my room, with a stop by the nursery.  My Mom was outside looking in the window and my husband was inside.  He held the baby to the glass and I thought about how huge he was - 8 lbs. 1 oz.  How did that come out of me?!  No wonder I was in pain the last few weeks.  My Mom exclaimed "He's a ginger!", said hi to me, and then quickly left for her hotel room.  By this point, it was about midnight on Tuesday, May 15.  Carter had been born at 11:49pm.

Eventually, I was back in our birthing suite and the baby was placed in my arms.  I was still so exhausted and loopy that we didn't bond well.  He was screaming and crying and I tried to nurse him (unsuccessfully, I'm sure) and then he was taken to the nursery for the night so that I could sleep.  I had pictured our introduction going a lot differently, but that's okay.  

While the road to recovery wouldn't be easy, we were both healthy.  Our son was finally here.  

Carter's Birth Story - Part III

"I think I'm going to need an epidural.  I'm scared it will get worse."  

My pain level was starting to skyrocket and after 14 hours, my body was reaching a point of exhaustion.  I knew that it would be some time before the anesthesiologist would be able to come to my room, so I requested the epidural.  The doctor came much quicker than I anticipated.  He reminded me of the doctor from the movie Knocked Up (actor Ken Jeong) and for some weird reason this comforted me.

(Image: Source)

I remember asking him if I could use the restroom first and he said "you can do whatever you want!"  An odd response after I'd been practically chained to my bed for 14 hours.  When he brought in his huge cart full of supplies, I began to panic.  I remember thinking to myself that I could just tell him to cancel the epidural, that I would be okay.  But I was too embarrassed since he'd already made his way to my room. 

I was terrified, given that several of my friends had told me how excruciating an epidural was.  This was one of my greatest fears of the process.  The doctor asked my husband to pull up the hospital table to the side of the bed.  We placed a pillow on it and my husband put on a hospital mask.  I was told to lay over the pillow/table and not move.  At this point, I was in so much pain and full of fear that I was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably.  I kept telling my husband how scared I was.  I wanted it all to be over.

It hardly pinched.  My doctor was amazing.  I'm serious when I say that I felt a tiny needle prick when he injected the numbing medication but nothing else.  He told me I could yell or scream as long as I didn't move.  I didn't yell, scream, or move, just cried.  Afterwards, he repeatedly told me how well I had done.  The IV I'd gotten earlier hurt 10 times worse.  He told me I'd begin to feel relief within 10-20 minutes, and sure enough, my legs began to feel heavy shortly afterwards.  I was given Foley catheter since I wasn't allowed to get out of bed.  I remember thinking I would've been fine to walk to the restroom, but looking back, it's a good idea they wouldn't let me.

The epidural caused the baby's heartbeat to drop significantly.  They put me on an oxygen mask and we frantically watched the monitors.  I thought to myself, "This is my fault.  I wanted pain medication and now it's going to kill my baby."  Luckily, his heartbeat stabilized and all was well.  I could move my legs but felt hardly any pain.  I told my Mom that before the epidural, I didn't realize how much pain I was in.  After 14 hours, even excruciating pain begins to feel like the new normal.  I silently thanked myself for "giving in" and getting the epidural.

I continued to labor for several hours.  We increased the Pitocin again and again.  Finally medicated, I felt fine and told my husband that I could continue laboring this way forever.  The epidural was blissful... until things started taking a turn for the worse.

My cervix was checked once again.  The midwife "stretched" me to a 4.  A 4!?  After nearly an entire day of labor, I was only at a 4? My heart sank.  To make matters worse, the baby's head was very far down the birthing canal, but it was turned to the side.  My nurses placed me in a very uncomfortable face-down position with one of my arms bent back and the other near my head.  The positions were designed to bring the baby's head to a more favorable position for birth, but they were nearly unbearable.  I had been on oxygen for several hours by this point and instead of making me feel better, the mask seemed to suffocate me.  I panicked at one point, begging my Mom to bring my husband back into the room.  He had gone in the waiting room to eat dinner with my stepfather.

It was around this time that my epidural began to "wear off" on my left side.  I brought it up to the nurses several times and was given extra doses of pain medication to no avail.  I was scared.  At this point, I couldn't move my legs and my body was stuck in an uncomfortable position.  I couldn't go much longer.  When the anesthesiologist's assistant finally came in to check the epidural catheter in my back I was convulsing in pain, sobbing, hanging onto the rails of the hospital bed.  I kept apologizing to her for having to come back and fix my medication, but she said "You're suffering in silence, most people yell at us" - this made me feel slightly less like a wimp.  But nothing could take away the blinding pain that I felt...

(Carter's Birth Story - Part IV coming soon!)

Carter's Birth Story - Part II

Tuesday, May 16th:

I changed into my hospital gown and laid on the bed.  It felt strange being a patient as I had never been in the hospital for more than a checkup or minor sickness.  I didn't like the idea of having the attention on me.  Fortunately, my first nurse was amazing and helped me feel at ease.  I was surprised how quickly things happened from the moment we got checked in.

I was given an IV - my first - which pinched... hard.  My nurse kept telling me to breathe because I'd made sure to mention how terrified I was.  I told her I was afraid I'd panic and rip it out, so she probably thought I was some whackjob with a fear of needles.  I'm actually fine with needles, but the thought of something staying underneath my skin for several hours disturbed me.

My cervix was checked - each time was excruciating as my cervix was nearly unreachable and the nurse/midwife had to really dig.  Despite being 8 days past my due date, I was not dilated.  

I was given prostaglandin gel  - a substance that is designed to ripen or soften the cervix - through a tube onto my cervix and instructed to remain in bed for at least an hour.  I was hooked up to a fetal and contraction monitor and we watched both the baby's heartbeat and my contractions on the screen by my bed.  When the nurse explained how the contraction monitor worked, I realized all of the baby movements I had been feeling the past few weeks were actually mild contractions.  We noticed my contractions picking up and I thought to myself, "This is good.  The baby will come soon."  We tried to rest.

I was given a second round of prostaglandin gel a few hours later and again told to remain in bed for at least an hour.  The contractions began to get more regular and my excitement grew.  The contractions were painful, but I could handle it.  I always thought I had a high threshold for pain.  The contractions went on for several hours.

I was checked again - the pain was worse with this check as I was getting sore.  I squeezed my eyes shut to keep myself from crying until she was done.  No dilation.  My cervix was soft, but not dilated.  It wasn't working.  The doctor wanted to try Pitocin, but I asked if there was another option.  I still had hope that things could progress.  She said we could try Cytotec - a milder drug similar to Pitocin - in pill form. The nurse brought in half of a pill and I clearly remember her saying "You only get half - this stuff is potent."  

The contractions continued and increased in intensity.  At this point, my Mom had arrived from Northern Virginia and she was in the hospital room with us.  I had originally not wanted to have anyone but my husband in the room, but it was nice to have the company during this "downtime".  We talked through the contractions and for some, my husband and Mom had to remind me to breathe.  The nurse had told us that it would help with the pain and I had refused pain medicine at this point.  I went in open to the idea of pain medicine and knowing that I would accept an epidural if it got too unbearable.  At this point, I was uncomfortable, but I was fine.  The doctor seemed surprised that I was continuing on unmedicated after taking the drug.

I was checked again a few hours later.  Progress was minimal.  At this point, it was getting to be mid-morning and I was getting frustrated.  Why was my labor not progressing?  Was something wrong?  Should I have waited to schedule the induction?  

Defeated, we began Pitocin.  At some point, the midwive broke my water.  I told her I had thought it would feel good and it ended up feeling like I'd peed myself, but not the release of pressure that I'd anticipated.  I didn't get a good look, but it seemed like much less fluid than I'd anticipated.  They changed the pad that was laying underneath me.  She said the fluid was good and clear, which meant it was free of meconium.    How could this be?  I'd figured meconium was inevitable given that I was 8 days past my due date.  The contractions once again increased in intensity.  I managed the pain for another several hours. We continued to increase the Pitocin dosage and I became more uncomfortable. I kept checking the clock but the hours seemed to run together.  It had been 14 hours of unmedicated, induced labor by this point...

(Carter's Birth Story - Part III coming soon!)

Carter's Birth Story - Part I

Monday, May 14th:

My induction was scheduled for midnight.  The days leading up to it, I was so nervous and excited that I couldn't get anything done.  I ended up going on an interview that afternoon but pretty much blew it because I was so distracted - not to mention, uncomfortable and overcome with hot flashes - to perform.  But I didn't care because we were finally going to meet our baby!  The tiny baby that I had been growing in my belly for 10 whole months was finally ready to come into the world.  I had pictured his sweet face in my mind and dreamt about him for so, so long - I was ready.

That day, I finished the last check of the hospital bags and waited anxiously for my husband to get home from work.  We tried to sleep for a few hours but it wasn't happening.  We watched TV in bed and talked.  I took another shower, my second of the day, determined to look nice for the hospital.  I didn't even end up putting my makeup on - I told myself I'd put it on when we arrived.  My excitement was quickly turning into nervousness as I had skipped the Childbirth classes and had little idea of what to expect. 

We headed to the hospital at about 11:30pm and arrived just before 12am.  We were told to check in a few minutes after 12am for insurance purposes.  We sat laughing in the car, stuffing our faces with a carton of mixed berries we'd bought earlier since I wouldn't be able to eat for many, many hours.  We took a video of ourselves on my iPhone to send to my sisters.  This would be our last time together as a family of two.  

We had to use the nighttime entrance at the Birthplace and the sign said "push the green button and state your name and purpose".  I couldn't find a green button, so I pushed the only button I saw, but felt too silly saying my name and purpose, so I was silent.  Luckily, they still let my creeper self in the door - there were cameras and my pregnant belly must have given me a few ounces of credibility.  When we arrived, they had been expecting me.  They greeted me by name, and showed us to our room, which was right next to the nurse's station.  All of the rooms in the birthing facility are private, so ours had ample space, a couch with a pull-out bed, TV, mini-fridge, and bathroom, complete with jet tub.  I made note of the various pieces of equipment and wondered how they would be used in the coming hours.  My husband took several trips to the car to bring in all of our stuff while I changed into the hospital gown they had handed me.

I had a feeling my labor experience would be short... 

(Carter's Birth Story - Part II coming soon!)

Carter James

Welcome to the world, Carter James!

Born on May 15, 2012 at 11:49pm, weighing 8 lbs. 1 oz. and measuring 21" long.

We love you so much.

(Birth story to follow...)

Where is Baby C?

I'm 40 weeks, 4 days today and still no baby!  No signs of labor either.  I went to my last midwife checkup yesterday (which I hadn't even planned on needing to go to) and at first she said "you'll probably go into labor on your own within the next few days".  After she checked me to find that I am 0% dilated and maybe 50% effaced, she said "Hopefully induction will work. It should work."  I wanted to cry right then!  I am so ready to get going with this and seeing my due date come and go has been frustrating.

My mother was 2 weeks late with my older sister so I had expected to be a few days, but for some reason I am still surprised.  We are scheduled for an induction on Tuesday, but have to head into the hospital at midnight on Monday.  I'm excited to finally have an end in sight, but also freaked out at the whole induction process.  I am a little disappointed that my body hasn't kicked in on its own, but as long as he's out safely that's all that matters.

In the meantime, I have been trying to stay busy by watching Modern Family Seasons 1 and 2 and this:

My stepsister recommended bouncing on an exercise ball to get things going.  A quick trip to Dick's Sporting Goods last night and I had a new "chair" for the next few days.  It hasn't brought on any contractions like I'd hoped, but it does help my back compared to sitting on the couch.  Fingers crossed!

Waiting Game...

My due date was yesterday and... yep, I'm still pregnant!  I don't know why I'm still surprised every morning when I wake up and realize I still haven't had my baby.  Immediately after my final exam today (side note: HOORAY!), I started trying a few tricks to get this little man out because my maternity leave is ticking away and more importantly, I'm dying to meet him!

Step 1: Long, strenuous walk. In the rain.

(Found two tiny dogs - again!  I have found one of the dogs 4 or 5 times now and returned it to its owner... some spirits are meant to run free, I guess!  Little gypsies.)

After at least an hour of going up and down hills, she faceplanted.

Step 2: Spicy food.

Step 3: Plop in front of the computer and watch YouTube because I've exhausted myself.


Step 4: Take videos of my creepy cat.  

She does this obnoxious crying on a daily basis.  Is this normal?!

Okay, so the last two aren't tricks at all.  They're just me being bored and anxious.  Well, I'm about to make a labor playlist (lots of Rihanna... as in her entire "Loud" CD + her new song with Drake "Take Care") but I figure I will also listen to my Jack Johnson/Dave Matthews and country Pandora channels as well to mix it up a little.  I'm hoping that having my jams will keep me sane.

Any tips of getting the little guy going?  I'm ready... so ready!

Nursery Peek

39 Weeks, 4 days... 3 days until the due date!

Last day of class! ...maybe

Some of my classmates decided to take a few pictures of everyone this week since today is our last day of MBA classes!  I want to say it's my last day of class ever, but I know a PhD could be lurking somewhere in my future since my employer has a tuition reimbursement program which I've always taken advantage of.

39 Weeks, 1 Day

My professors claim that my baby is already a finance genius having sat through two semesters of the coursework.  I'll cross my fingers ;-)

I'm off to an interview (pretty hilarious considering my huge belly), I hope everyone has a great day!

39 Week Update

Today's 39 Week, 1 Day checkup should be my last... in theory.  

My Braxton Hicks contractions have decreased significantly over the past week or so.  I was getting them several times throughout the day until recently they nearly 100% quit. Not sure what this means, but I figure labor isn't happening anytime soon.  

On the plus side, I have been out and about continuing with my normal routine.  I feel pretty nimble except when I am laying down in bed.  For example, yesterday's schedule went like this:

• 7am: Wake up, iron husband's shirt for work, make him an English muffin and juice.  Make myself breakfast.
• 7:15am: Start working on Excel spreadsheet, Powerpoint, and Word document for class assignment. Procrastinate.
• 10:30am: Shower and get ready for group meeting
• 11:30am: Drive to campus
• 12pm: Group meeting to discuss aforementioned documents
• 1pm: Drive to doctor's office
• 1:15pm: Realize the receptionist gave you the wrong day, time, and place and that your appointment is actually the next day... at a different time... and in a different city. Pout.
• 1:30pm: Drive back home and cut stems/change water in flowers hubs gave me

• 3:30pm: Drive to campus
• 4pm: Photo shoot for MBA brochure
• 5pm: Class
• 6:45pm: Drive home
• 7pm: Attempt to take care of sick hubby
• 7:45pm: Do laundry and cook a frozen pizza
• 10:30pm: TV and Bed

Today's appointment went pretty well.  My total weight gain has been almost exactly 30 lbs.  I was hoping for between 25-35, so 30 is fine by me.

And my (possibly) last (self-timer) pregnant shot... WOOF.

39 Weeks, 1 Day

Also, this weekend was amazing.  We relaxed a lot but were also very productive (for me, that meant schoolwork, but for him, that meant cleaning both of our cars and our apartment).  We also watched "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" - talk about traumatizing.  I left the living room and laid down in bed at one point because I was so freaked out.  To think that some sick individual wrote that book/script and thought to themselves "yep, this sounds good" is beyond me!

Image: Source